When the Holidays Don’t Feel Merry: Coping with Mixed Emotions

Stacey McQuillan
Dec 19, 2025
3 min read

The holidays can be a beautiful season — full of lights, traditions, and connection. But they can also stir up stress, grief, loneliness, and complicated feelings we don’t always expect. If December leaves you feeling a mix of joy and heaviness, you’re not alone. Many people find this time of year emotionally overwhelming, even when they “should” feel festive.

This is a gentle guide to help you move through the holidays with more compassion, understanding, and steadiness.

Why Mixed Emotions During the Holidays Are Completely Normal

The holiday season tends to amplify whatever is already going on inside us, and this often shows up in lots of different feelings and emotions.

Common triggers include:

Family conflict or tension
Pressure to be cheerful
Financial stress and high expectations
Memories of people who have passed
Changes in health, work, or relationships
Feeling disconnected from traditions
Overstimulation, busyness, or burnout

You’re not doing the holidays “wrong” if they feel emotionally complicated — you’re human.

You’re Allowed to Feel More Than One Thing

Many people tell themselves they have to “snap out of it” or pretend nothing is wrong. But two things can be true at the same time:

You can love your family and feel overwhelmed by them.
You can cherish holiday traditions and miss someone deeply.
You can enjoy moments of joy while also feeling tired or sad.

Mixed emotions aren’t a problem to solve — they’re a sign you’re fully feeling your life.

Signs You Might Be Emotionally Overloaded

You may be carrying more than you realize if you’re noticing:

Feeling unusually irritable or quick to tear up
Avoiding gatherings or tasks
Feeling “checked out,” numb, or disconnected
Trouble sleeping or relaxing
Overthinking social plans or interactions

These are cues from your nervous system that it needs tenderness, not pressure.

Simple Ways to Support Yourself This Season

Here are gentle practices to help you feel more grounded:

1. Name What You’re Feeling

Putting emotions into words reduces their intensity. Even saying “I’m overwhelmed” or “I’m sad today” creates clarity.

2. Set a Little More Realistic Expectation

It’s okay if this holiday doesn’t look like past ones. Lowering pressure creates more space for genuine connection. Think more about how you want your holiday to feel rather than all the things you want to get done.

3. Build in Micro-Breaks

Step into another room, take a short walk, sit in your car, or give yourself 2 minutes of deep breathing. My partner and I always make sure we have a “back up errand” to run when we need a break from family and in-laws during the holidays!

4. Choose the Gatherings That Truly Matter

You don’t have to say yes to everything. Give yourself permission to protect your energy. It’s very easy to over schedule yourself during the festive season, so manage your expectations of yourself as much as possible!

5. Create a Small Ritual for Grief or Loss

Lighting a candle, hanging a special ornament, or sharing a memory can make someone’s absence feel more held and honoured. Remember that grief and loss don’t always look the same for everyone, so even if your grieving a hidden loss - it’s important to acknowledge for yourself.

6. Let Joy Be Small, Not Forced

Joy doesn’t have to be loud or performative. A quiet cup of cocoa, a favourite song, or a slow moment can be enough. Just remember to “slow down and smell the roses” - aka, let yourself enjoy that slow moment even for a second.

Supporting Kids and Teens Who Feel Overwhelmed

Children often experience the holiday season intensely.

Some helpful things you can do:

Prepare them for transitions
Keep routines as normal as possible
Validate their big feelings
Offer quiet breaks away from noise or relatives
Let them choose one holiday task they opt out of
Set up expectations for screen time and family time early, so they have time to mentally and emotionally prepare!

When kids feel safe to feel, the whole household becomes calmer.

When to Reach Out for Extra Support

If you’re noticing persistent heaviness, anxiety, or stress that makes the season feel unmanageable, support is available. You don’t have to carry everything alone.

A counsellor can help you: