What is Gaslighting?

The word “gaslighting” gets thrown around a lot in topics of conversation, but it is often misused or misunderstood. The term may seem like a modern one, but it actually originates from the 1938 play “Gas Light,” where a husband manipulates his wife into thinking she is going insane by dimming the gas lights and denying that any change has occurred.

Gaslighting, as we understand it today, is a form of emotional manipulation that can leave people doubting their own memories, feelings, and sense of reality. It often happens gradually, making it hard to recognize until it has deeply affected someone’s confidence and mental health. Understanding what gaslighting is, what it isn’t, and how it feels can help you protect yourself or support someone going through it. This post also explores how counselling can help untangle the truth from confusing emotions.

What Gaslighting Really Means

Gaslighting is a deliberate attempt to make someone question their own reality. It can happen in relationships, at work, or within families.

Common tactics include:

• Denying facts or events that the other person clearly remembers

• Twisting information to make the victim feel confused or guilty

• Minimizing the victim’s feelings or experiences as “overreacting” or “imagining things”

• Using contradictory statements to create doubt

  
  

The goal is to gain control by undermining the other person’s confidence in their own thoughts and feelings.

What Gaslighting Is Not

Gaslighting is often misunderstood. It is not:

• Simply forgetting or making a mistake

• Disagreeing with someone’s opinion

• Having a different perspective on an event

• Normal conflict or argument

  
  

The key difference is intent. Gaslighting involves a pattern of behaviour aimed at making someone doubt their reality, not just occasional misunderstandings or disagreements.

It’s also important to remember that we often have differing memories of the same event than other people, especially disagreements. This is a natural occurrence as memories are fallible! Remember, someone disagreeing with your memory of events does not necessarily mean they are gaslighting you - it is okay to “agree to disagree”!

What Gaslighting Feels Like

People who experience gaslighting often describe feeling:

• Confused and uncertain about what really happened

• Anxious or fearful about expressing their feelings

• Isolated because they start doubting their own judgment

• Frustrated and exhausted from trying to prove their reality

• Depressed or losing self-esteem over time

  
  

For example, if you remember clearly telling a friend something important, but they insist you never said it and accuse you of being forgetful or crazy, you might start questioning your memory. Over time, this can erode your trust in yourself.

How to Respond to Gaslighting

If you suspect you are being gaslit, there are steps you can take to protect yourself:

• Keep a record of conversations, events, or incidents. Writing things down can help you trust your memory.

• Talk to trusted friends or family who can confirm your experience and provide support.

• Set boundaries with the person who is gaslighting you. Limit contact if possible.

• Practice self-care to rebuild your confidence and reduce stress.

• Seek professional help if the situation affects your mental health.

  
  

How Counselling Can Help

Counselling offers a safe space to explore your feelings and experiences without judgment. A trained counsellor can help you:

• Separate your feelings from the confusing messages you’ve received

• Recognize patterns of gaslighting and understand their impact

• Rebuild your self-trust and confidence

• Develop strategies to cope with or leave harmful situations

• Heal from emotional wounds caused by manipulation

  
  

Counselling is not about telling you what to believe but helping you find clarity and strength in your own truth.

Recognizing Gaslighting Early

Spotting gaslighting early can prevent long-term harm. Watch for signs like:

• Feeling like you’re “walking on eggshells” around someone

• Constantly apologizing even when you don’t know why

• Doubting your memory or feelings more than usual

• Feeling isolated from others or losing confidence

  
  

If these feelings are familiar, it’s worth exploring your situation with a professional or trusted person.

Moving Forward

Gaslighting can leave deep emotional scars, but healing is possible. By understanding what gaslighting is and isn’t, recognizing how it feels, and knowing what steps to take, you can regain control over your reality. Counselling plays a crucial role in this process by helping you separate truth from confusing feelings and rebuild your sense of self.